Getting and Giving Support

When I was asked to do a short session on support groups for the Diversity in Education conference, I had to laugh. After nearly 11 years as a homeschooling parent, I have found that getting the support I need – and giving meaningful support to others – has been one of my greatest challenges, even more daunting than confronting local school superintendents.

Here are some of the thoughts I’ve had over the years. Take what is useful to you, and leave the rest.

Know What You Want from a Support Group

This may sound obvious, but expectations – and often the lack of awareness of our expectations – are a major stumbling block.

Are you looking for:

activism?
curriculum information or planning advice?
social contacts for yourself?
social opportunities for your children?
like-minded families to share group activities?

All of these are legitimate reasons to seek out a support group, but it is unrealistic to expect that every group will meet all of these needs.

Most homeschooling parents agree on two basic points:

homeschooling is best for their own families, and
parents are the best people to determine their children’s needs.

Beyond that, there is often wide variation. Families differ in:

teaching methods
educational philosophy
religious or secular perspectives
political views
lifestyle choices
economic realities
views on government or school board involvement

In some cases, families are able to “agree to disagree” in certain areas in order to build and maintain a supportive network around what matters most to them as a group. Naturally, the more diverse the group, the more challenging this can be.

Before looking for a support group, take time to assess both what you need and what you can offer, especially to someone whose perspective may differ from your own.

Ask yourself:

Do I need support in these areas?
Can I give support in these areas?

Consider:

homeschooling in general
teaching methods
networking and information sharing
religious, philosophical, political, or lifestyle choices
social needs (for you and your children)
curriculum ideas and resources
advocacy or activism

Finding a Group

Once you know what you’re looking for, how do you actually find a group?

For many understandable reasons, homeschoolers are often reluctant to “send up flares” announcing where they are. This is why centralized listings matter.

The Ontario Federation of Teaching Parents (OFTP) maintains a province-wide list of community homeschool and support groups, organized by region:

👉 https://ontariohomeschool.org/community-homeschool-groups/

This is the best place to start if you are looking for local connections in Ontario. Not every group chooses to be listed, but many do, and new listings are added regularly.

Beyond that, traditional methods still work:

ask at local libraries
check community centres
inquire at churches or secular community spaces that host family programs
ask other homeschoolers quietly and respectfully
use local community boards or online neighbourhood groups

Some school boards are aware of homeschooling families but are unwilling or unable to share contact information. Occasionally, a supportive individual – a teacher, administrator, or librarian – may pass along a name or number. It never hurts to ask.

And for long-time homeschoolers reading this: consider how easy (or difficult) it was for you to find support when you started, and whether there is a way to make that path clearer for newcomers.

Once I Find Them, What Then?

Expecting all of your needs to be met by one group is, in my experience, unrealistic. If you have found a group that does that – wonderful. (You should probably be writing this article.)

For most of us, meeting with other homeschoolers once a week or even once a month is not enough on its own. This is especially true if the group does not share your views on every issue.

We are not just parents – we are people.

If we don’t make sure our own batteries are being recharged, burnout is inevitable. Parenting is demanding under the best circumstances, and homeschooling can amplify those stresses.

It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves so that we can show up well for our families. Take encouragement where you find it. Accept support even when it comes from unexpected places.

Don’t be afraid to offer something kind or supportive to someone whose perspective is very different from yours. If you are asked to validate actions you genuinely cannot support (for example, discipline approaches or ethical choices), be honest – but fair. Critique the action, not the person, and see whether it is possible to remain connected where mutual respect exists.

Getting Milk from the Hardware Store

Sometimes we find ourselves in groups where the only thing we truly share is homeschooling.

If you feel you must constantly defend your choices or brace yourself against perceived criticism, meaningful connection becomes difficult.

If you are seeking validation for:

discipline approaches
teaching styles
lifestyle decisions

and that validation is not forthcoming, you may need to look elsewhere for that kind of support.

If you do have other sources for validation but still find that key shared needs aren’t being met within your homeschool group, it’s often best to talk about it openly. Unspoken tension around controversial issues can derail the main purpose of getting together.

At times, reassessing expectations is necessary. If you decide to step away from a group, be grateful for what it offered, while acknowledging that it no longer meets your needs.

You wouldn’t go to the hardware store to buy milk. Don’t expect support from people who simply cannot provide it.

Forming (or Expanding) a Group

Perhaps your group primarily provides social opportunities for children, but you’re looking for deeper discussion around curriculum, planning, or educational philosophy.

Sometimes all it takes is asking. Many families are looking for more connection but haven’t taken the initiative to suggest it.

Whether you are:

forming a new group
expanding an existing one
or informally connecting with a few families

homeschool groups often:

share activities (crafts, field trips, science or history fairs, sports, play groups)
pool buying power for discounts on events or materials
exchange curriculum ideas and teaching approaches
engage in advocacy or community education
share information through email lists, messaging groups, or phone trees
HAVE ADULT CONVERSATIONS – an often overlooked but essential need for teaching parents

None of this is easy, and it is never finished. Groups change as families come and go. What worked once may no longer work. Sometimes groups split. This is not necessarily a failure.

Growth and change are facts of life. The ability to adjust is a sign of health.

So get together. It’s worth the effort.